Preparing Your Child for A New Arrival 

Understanding What Impact This Will Have On Your Older Child

At one time, they were the center of your universe, however, you're explaining to them that things are going to change and that some of your attention will now be aimed at a new addition to the family!  At one time, they were allowed to shout and play to their hearts content, now they will be expected to keep the noise down and it will all be because of this new bundle, who does nothing but scream!

You can probably understand why this situation is fairly traumatic for your older child and therefore it is imperative that you try to quash their fears and doubts.  Try your best not to let your child feel insecure.

When is the Right Time To Tell Your Child About the New Arrival?

When you find out that you are pregnant and the doctor has confirmed this, you should tell your other child. The sooner, the better as it will give them adequate time to accept the news.  Think about it from their perspective, it will turn their world upside down.

What Can You Do As Parents to Help Your Child During Pregnancy?

Explain to them about the baby which is growing inside of mom.

Include them in anything to do with the new arrival.  Let them come to the doctors with you, take them shopping when you're buying items for the new baby, let them help you choose some clothes.  Suggest they buy the new baby a soft toy, which they can give them when their brother or sister arrives.

Explain to them that their will be occasions where mom won't be able to play like she used to, as she will be tired, hot and uncomfortable.  Reiterate to them that this is only temporary and that once their baby brother or sister arrives, mom will be back to normal!  Keep their fears at bay by telling your older child how lucky the baby will be to have such a great brother or sister to look after them.

Get a chart from your clinic or a book store, which demonstrates the developmental stages of pregnancy and talk this through with your child.

The main key here is to involve your child and be honest and open about what is happening.

It is natural for children to ask 'why and how' questions but how much detail should we give when they begin asking questions like "where do babies come from"?

No doubt this is a parents worst nightmare!  However, it does not mean that your child is referring to sex..they have no idea that the two are connected and won't even know what sex is  Therefore before you jump into answering their question, try and get on the same page as them.  Ask them further questions to enable you to fully understand what it is they're asking.  Explaining too much, too young is probably not a wise move.

Try testing their question by asking, "where do you think babies come from?".

Then correct the answer.

For example they might answer, "Mommy goes to the doctor and her bellybutton opens up and he takes the baby out through the belly button." So what your child actually needs an answer to is where do babies grow and how do they get from in there to out here.

Then you can explain where exactly a baby grows - don't say the tummy! That confuses them a lot! Here your values play a huge role. If you believe in God, as I do, you can explain that God creates mommies very special. Mommies have a special little place between their hips, safe and warm, where a baby can grow; that is not the tummy and only mommies have this special place. It is called a womb.

And the baby gets her food through an umbilical cord that goes into her tummy. Your bellybutton is where your umbilical cord went into your tummy when you were inside mommy's womb."

As you can see, this answer doesn't even touch on sex and it would be more than enough to satisfy a young curious mind. This will allow you time to calm down, get on the same page with your spouse on how you would like to handle these types of questions and to go and arm yourself with some helpful books that would be available at any good bookstore.

Click here to watch the latest viral video to hit the web that documents the nine months of a couples pregnancy, which may just help you out!

Don't lie to your child or say they don't need to know.  It is very important to answer their questions to establish a bond of trust between you; and also they need YOU to answer these questions - otherwise they will be getting their information from unwanted sources.

Just as important is your reaction to these questions, as this will determine whether or not they will feel comfortable talking with you about issues like sex. The more comfortable you make them feel discussing these things, the more likely they will discuss them with you in the future in an open manner.

Should the child resist - what do I do as a parent?

Usually children do act out a little in the beginning - remember this is new, strange and not at all pleasant - all your attention and focus is on the new baby, everyone "ooh" and "aah" when they come to visit, so give your child time. However, try and be mindful of how they may be feeling.  If you feel it's not working, bring your child to a play therapy session to help ease the transition.

Should Your Child Be Involved in the Birth?

Personally; no I wouldn't. The reason for this is that nothing in life is certain and it could be a very long and traumatic day for everyone involved. Some moms go into labor and baby is born in the car on the way to hospital, other moms are in labor for HOURS, so you wouldn't want to add more pressure on you as parents by having a little one around. Also, they might be quite worried about mommy and might resent baby for hurting mommy or making mom cry and so forth. So no, I would rather say good bye smiling and come back smiling.

Any tips for when the baby is born?

Remember that being a parent is the most difficult thing ever! So be patient with yourself. You probably will feel, at one point or another, that you are lousy at it; but remember that you are more than good enough! Again - involve your older child as much as possible. Ask him to help, by bringing you a nappy, or getting a blanket because baby is cold. Also positive reinforcement is important - acknowledge every nice gesture that your older child does - say things like "you are such a good helper, thank you for being such an awesome big brother/sister". Try and give undivided attention as and when possible and, most importantly, don't be too hard on yourself !!